A Long Day In The Rain


A long day in the rain
Droplets of frustration drizzle with misguided enthusiasm
Puddles of hurt and uncertainty gather around my feet
This pedestrian walk way seems to lead nowhere
Anything to burn this calories of sadness
Today my dark clouds have found me
Not hiding but out in the open and defenceless
These looming shadows follow me around mocking and accusing me
For the first time I come face to face with the depth of emptiness
And like a little babe its monsters frighten me
Emotions lodge a dagger in my heart
Unbroken yet bleeding
Happiness took a wrong turn and sadness finished first.

Advertisements

11 responses to this post.

  1. Very powerful imagery, my friend. I am most definitely feeling this piece. Superb, vivid imagery. Droplets…puddles of hurt…emotions lodge a dagger…
    *snap, snap*
    One Love
    Kaya

    Reply

  2. Kaya am most grateful for your kind words….Sometimes pain inspires the best poetry.Today’s pain had my pen on full throttle.

    Reply

  3. This has the potential to be a first class piece of work; In my view however – your ‘style’ of construction, particularly in the expressive use of language, does not lend itself well to this ‘unpunctuated’ form…

    Reply

  4. Thank you very much Sullivan.I am most grateful for your comment..Please do send me links so i can read up and get a better understanding of your constructive criticism.Being a self trained poet am open to new ideas and learning…

    Reply

  5. Posted by Bossladywriter on May 27, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Wow, that’s how I feel sometimes! I love this piece! Good work, Ebiowe! I look forward to reading more of your poetic art. 🙂

    Reply

    • I feel very blessed to have your comment grace my poem.I’ll certainly love to share my poems with a veteran author like yourself..Thank you once again.

      Reply

  6. Very atmospheric, dark and foreboding. I like this very much.

    Reply

  7. Agree with the other comments, Ebiowe, this imagery is precise and gets me where you want me to be (or where you where if you are the subject of the poem 😉 For me, the lack of punctuation helps create the urgent mood ‘out in the open and defenceless’ and gives an impression of phrases tumbling out of the depression.

    Should ‘this’ in line 5 be ‘these’?
    Line 8 ‘This looming shadow’ or ‘These looming shadows’?
    and line 4 ‘path’ for ‘walk way’ would be nice alliteration ‘pedestrian pathway’

    Like it lots.

    Reply

    • Thank you very much your points have been very carefully noted and i must say that i appreciate your encouragement.Everyday i learn new things.Poetry started for me as a passion.I have no formal training for it but with very positive feedback such as yours i hope to learn and improve.Thank you once again Soundflyer.

      Reply

  8. Posted by Mr dare on May 31, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Must say you are finally getting there. Not really into poetry but a good piece attract even the “uninterested” seems you should have much more days of pain so as to have great pieces…..

    Reply

    • Thanks a million bro…Its indeed a big surprise that you took time to read a poem lol…What does not kill a man makes him stronger but the scar makes him write poetry…lol

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: